The Order of the 50 Monks...Monks Abroad
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Albania
A monk from Tirana, Albania fell prey to a terrible mania and began biting necks of the fairer sex in the fashion of old Transylvania. (EHTIYOT) A vampire monk from Tirana and the bloodsucking nun called Diana Desired southun' belles With their saucy red cells Turned into bats and flew to Savannah. (Theo) Angola A naturalist monk from Angola Refused to take easy payola Protected the mountain gorilla Like a tree-hugging godzilla Analyzed nature like a young Emile Zola (Theo) (alternate ending: and fought malaria, scurvy, ebola!) Argentina This monk came from old Argentina Drank rum in his favorite cantina Lost his job as the cantor For the nonsense he'd banter Instead of the Salve Regina! (Theo) Armenia A nationalist monk from Erevan Arranged a mission by caravan Arrived at Lake Van Cried out "Hayastan!" And never was heard from again. (EHTIYOT) Australia There once was a monk from ol' Perth To the surprise of his Order gave birth "This seems a bit shady But we see you're a lady Which to us just increases your worth!" (Theo) There once was a monk from Down Under Who worshiped the God of the Thunder Who we know as Thor From Teutonic folklore To the novices he was a fair wonder! (Theo) (I know...absolutely nothing is Australia-related) There once was a monk from Down Under Who loved trekking and Fosters and thunder He got kicked by a 'roo Found a snake in his shoe Consuming 10 oil cans was his blunder! (Theo) (25 ouncers baby!) A monk from New South Wales Drank Fosters in buckets and pails When he went to New Castle His pickup-lines were not facile Goes home alone just biting his nails . (Theo) A monk from New South Wales Has the answers to all for what ails Have two Fosters with eggs And warm up your legs Walkabout on the Outback's fine trails! (Theo) Austria This Monk came to musical Vienna A pilgrim from holy Siena He farted at Mozart "Your music's like most art, Too lewd for my moral antenna!" (Theo) A bald monk from high in the Alps Had the secret to curing bald scalps Make the sign of the cross Put on your head some peat moss And behave like some strapping young whelps! (Theo) Bahrain There once was a monk from Bahrain Rambunctious and difficult to train Perpetually novice He will never hold office Until he's more humble, not vain. (Theo) Belgium There once was a monk from Brussels Who frequently got into tussles He drank double stout And just went all out For bar fights and tangles and hustles! (Theo) There once was a monk from ol' Bruges Who played on the organ Bach's fugues At times when he's slidin' He'll break out with Haydn So no one could call him a scrooge. (Theo) A musical monk came from Belgiúm Liked more than to whistle and hum He knew it was glorious To sing Mike Praetorious A heretical Lutheran to some. (Theo) Belize An old pious monk from Belize Prayed and prayed on his knees and so he did stay until he finally one day said "I'm stuck, someone help me up please!" (EHTIYOT) Bermuda A fisherman monk from Bermuda had not quite the wisdom of Buddha though he once saw a school and thought it was cool it happened to be barracuda. (EHTIYOT) Bosnia and Herzegovina This monk came from Herzegovina Who secretly worshipped Athena The brandy so strong He shared with the throng Of folks who lived in his arena. (Theo) This monk from Bosnia-Herzegovina Had a big boat at the marina He smuggled a geisha From Japan through Croatia "From now on your name is Christina!" (Theo) Botswana There once was a monk from Botswana Who daily strived for Nirvana On a trip to Somalia Said to his friends, "I see all a 'ya! Eating khat...is it like marijuana??" (Theo) Brazil There once was a monk from Brazil Who worked harder than most with a quill Until Mardi Gras When his morals would thaw He had many a need to fulfill. (Theo) There once was monk from Brazil Unsurpassed in honor and skill But at Mardi Gras Was the king of faux pas When wine and tequila he'd swill. (Theo) There once was a monk from Brazil Whose temper was often quite shrill At Mardi Gras he was mellow A very sweet fellow Till rum made him violently ill! (Theo) In Rio in friendly Brazil This monk was in need of a thrill Come March Carnaval He gave it his all Shed his habit and let feathers spill. Bulgaria There once was a monk from Bulgaria Who fancied good beer from Bavaria He drank numerous kegs With his bacon and eggs And scoffed at the poor in his area. (Theo) There once was a monk from Bulgaria Who trekked in a rain forest area He drank very good ciders And hunted rare spiders But came home with a deadly malaria. (Theo) Canada There once was a monk from fair Canada Who slipped on the peel of a banana-da He started to quiver When he fell in the river That was home to a school of parana-da! (Theo) (First...you cheated. Piranha in Canada...that's just silly!) A querulous monk from Quebec Awoke with a pain in the neck He challenged his Father Why do you bother? Oppress the oppressor? O heck! In beautiful French Montreal Where miracles happen to all A monk came appealing To St. Joseph for healing But on crutches he left the great hall. Costa Rica This monk came from fair Costa Rica Spiced meals with hot Spanish paprika His tongue would catch fire So he'd plead with his Prior "Please transfer me up to Eureka!" (Theo) Czech Republic These monks are a bunch of wild Czechs At parties they become giant wrecks This misbehavior Frowned on by our Savior Just makes them our Order's rejects. (Theo) This monk is a fun-loving Czech With nuns he often would neck "I know it's a sin!" He said with a grin "So I'll cleanse on a spiritual trek!" (Theo) There once was monk from Prague Who had a terrible fear of the Plag When he moved to the Hauge He contracted the Plague Hired a nun to give him a flog! (Theo) Cuba There once was a monk from Aruba Who knew how to blow a mean Tuba At times he would fart While playing his part With the visiting band from near Cuba. (Theo) A Neptune-like monk from Aruba spent his days at the reef diving scuba he poked with his trident the ocean floor sediment and there found a boatman from Cuba. (EHTIYOT) Cyprus A lice ridden monk from Cyprus Groggy and delirious with typhus Dreamt a film of his life Starring Cher as his wife And his self played by Richard Dreyfus. (EHTIYOT) Denmark There was a bald monk from cold Denmark Read Hamlet...left more than one pen mark "The world's all a stage! I love every page!" He shouted, which made his dog Sven bark. (Theo) A monk from the land of the Danes Proud warrior and master of thanes He liked to attack! Anglo Saxons he'd hack! To steal women, gold cups, and their grains! (Theo) A monk from the land of the Danes Wrote poems in lovely quatrains His rhymes were transcendent His name in the ascendant Till FIRE!...now nothing remains (Theo) This monk was a stout-hearted Dane Loved pleasure and challenge and pain! At Wessex met Alfred The king that they all dread To Vikings is now the great bane! (Theo) A devout monk from Copenhagen Read "Cosmos" by Carl Sagan So freaked out by the stars He took refuge in bars And now is decidedly pagan. (EHTIYOT) An imbibing monk in Copenhagen Passed out and fell on his noggin What nonsense he said As he lay there and bled Made more sense than some peoples bloggin'. (EHTIYOT) Dubai There once was a monk from Dubai Who built scrapers way up to the sky He loved money from oil That came from the soil These riches he could not deny! (Theo) Egypt There once was a monk from Egypt Down a hidden staircase he tripped "Thank God I'm a rummy I discovered a mummy! This bedroom is really a crypt!" (Theo) There once was a monk from Egypt Whose morals were known to have slipped Found himself amid A great pyramid Below the waste he had totally stripped! (Theo) Estonia A gruesome old monk from Tartu With a visage like Nosferatu Would stare at young girls Baring fangs like old pearls And not only belch, but fart too (EHTIYOT) France A monk from the mountains of France Encountered a bare beach by chance Though he fervently tried To remain dignified He soon lost his robe and his pants. (Dorothy) There was a bald monk from fair Nantes A master of Gregorian chant He venerated the saints On canvas in paints And danced Tango with nuns...most charmant! (Theo) There once was a monk from Bordeaux Who continually let the wine flow At Vespers he craved The bottle he saved To his shame it was only Merlot. (Theo) This monk came from most holy Reims Whose hobby was reading the palm. This he learned in Copenhagen A city wicked and too pagan Forbidden by every known Psalm. (Theo) There once was a monk from fair Nice Who had a most sudden caprice He took off his clothes In the Name of the Rose And was captured by bon French Police. (Theo) (and they were hunks...so, I don't know...I'm just sayin'...) A Friar named Frank was a Franc From Toulouse, too much grog Frank Drank Too blotto to run Police ended Frank's fun And he awoke in a stinky drunk tank (NG) A monk up in Alsace-Lorraine dozed off on a south-bound train so when he opened his eyes he was duly surprised to wake up in Cordoba, Spain. (EHTIYOT) A faith healing monk from Orleans spoke directly to blood and to genes some thought him insipid for his chatting with lipids and yukking it up with proteins. (EHTIYOT) A monk from his cell in Crecy engaged in the worst prophecy warned "forget the apocalypse, this world's a necropolis and its map says "vous etes ici. (EHTIYOT) A vampire monk from Tirana and the bloodsucking nun called Diana Desired southun' belles With their saucy red cells Turned into bats and flew to Savannah. (Theo) This friar, a stout-hearted Franc From Toulouse, too much grog Frank Drank Too blotto to run Police ended Frank's fun And he awoke in a stinky drunk tank. (NG) Georgia This Georgian monk came from Ossetia If you give him no choice, he'll confess 'ya He can't sit very still So wine he would swill A wild monk from the Caucus, you betcha! (Theo) A mad Georgian monk from Svaneti Found a fortune worthy of Getty But the monk was insane (And I relate this with pain) So he chopped it all into confetti. (EHTIYOT) Germany A colicky monk from Cologne Hid a musical talent that shone When the prayers were prayed And the tithes were all paid. He tooted a mean saxophone India A flexible monk from New Delhi While touching his nose to his belly Marveled "what have we here? My old palak paneer? 'Twas tasty but now its just smelly" (EHTIYOT) A high-tech monk from Bangalore Worked hard and partied hardcore "my life is more sunny, I am new techie-money, I kick it old school on the dance floor! (Theo) A monk from the Indian Ocean Had an original notion I could go on a run From Bangalore to Yemen To show my outstanding devotion. (Theo) A monk from the Indian Ocean Needed a new suntan lotion In such a big hurry Grabbed liquified curry Now using wine for a pain-killing potion. (Theo) There once was a monk from Bangalore Was desperate to learn and explore He went into a bog Started licking a frog Not Nirvana… but it wasn’t a bore!(Theo) A monk down in hot Bangalore Worked call-desk, a good job to score "Hello, my name is Drew I am here to help you... Please to be nice, or you might I ignore!" (Theo) A young monk from Uttar Pradesh loved both his wife and Ganesh He prayed to his God that his desi wife's bod remained always youthful and fresh. (EHTIYOT) Indonesia This monk came from south Indonesia "Am I Muslim, or have I amnesia? When the minaret pleas I will pray on my knees I have whisky for strong anesthesia. (Theo) The Wheel of Time...what the...? A Novice that left the White Tower Where she labored hour on hour Now wears the Ring of the Serpent Dressed in white, life is urgent For the Test of the Shawl brings real power! (Theo) This monk came from the great Wheel of Time A Novice, was destined to rhyme In times that are tragic She might use her white magic And her beauty is strong and sublime! (Theo) A Novice was sent to White Tower To train and discover her power To become Aes Sedai And channel on high She first must learn not to cower! (Theo) (dedicated to Our Lady of Dutrieux...she earns 3 indulgences for the idea!) Iran A presbyter monk in Iran Realizing his faith was all gone Celebrated navruz With Zarathustra and booze And now he's got hooves like a faun. (MDW) Iraq A mendicant monk from Baghdad Became rich by looking so sad As muttering curses Ladies dug in their purses And gave him all that they had. (EHTIYOT) Ireland This monk came from Ireland's Limerick From a famous abbey of Benedict He joined 50monks.com And praised with aplomb "I, hereby, declare this my new clique!" (Theo) A pacifist monk from Sligo When drafted asked "why should I go?" Vowed not to do harm So stayed home to farm Whistling all the while through his pie hole. (EHTIYOT) There once was a monk from ol’ Dublin Who committed the ultimate pub sin He put ice in his stout And was forthrightly kicked out And with pinesol his chair got a scrubbin’ (Theo) Italy This monk came from beautiful Napoli He sang through the streets, oh so happily He couldn't carry a tune And would howl at the moon Even dogs thought he yelped rather crappily. (Theo) (Disgraziato! A Neopolitan monk who can't sing??!!) There once was a monk from old Venice Who was known as a bit of a menace He pee'd in the canal While reading Pascal And skipped vespers to play table-tennis (Theo) A demented monk from St. Peters poisoned the papel bird-feeders the next day at dawn hearing no birdsong gloated "take that, you pestilent tweeters!" (EHTIYOT) Japan The springs of Nagano so warm That sheltered snow-monks from the storm Who comb out your kink One-mindfully sink As children bewitched lean out for 'em A zendo in cyberspace rose So webmonks could minimize woes Their pupils dilated Their thoughts 'vaporated But reaching samahdi - who knows? (try whisky my little Zen friends! --The Pope) There once was a monk from Japan Who didn't like being a man He shipped off to China To buy a vagina Now he's a nun in Taipan. (Theo) |
 Kenya
A monk on a Kenyan safari chased cheetahs in a bright red Ferrari of the roadkill in his wake 5 hyenas, 11 meerkats and a snake it seems he was not very sorry. (EHTIYOT) Lebanon There once was a monk from Beirut He ate beans and often would toot He farted real bad On a trip to Baghdad And for that, they gave him the boot! (Theo) Libya There once was monk from ol' Libya Most jolly, he often will rib 'ya And for my money He's outrageously funny Slapped my leg till I bruised my left tibia . (Theo) Mexico This monk came from Mexico City Drank Mezcal and was crazy and witty He woke up in Zocala No en su sala With bad breath and just a bit gritty. (Theo) This monk came from old Tehuantepec Where strong women can make you a wreck They live matriarchal But his robes would just Sparkle And he knew in which order to peck! (Theo) (oh, but the colors are FABULOUS!) An eccentric monk from Cancun Had his face tattooed like a raccoon each day that he'd wake realizing his mistake cursed "why did I not opt for baboon?" (EHTIYOT) Morocco There was a bald monk from Morocco Who had a few holes in his socko But given some yarn He knew how to darn To his tailor, this caused quite a shocko! (Theo) Nepal In mountainous northern Nepal A monk took a treacherous fall But because of insight His limbs folded just right And no real harm was done him at all. (Dorothy) Netherlands "There was a bald monk from fair Amsterdam Whose computer got froze by a spamster-jam So he picked up his quills And wrote with such thrills Till he shouted with pain, Oh! Crampster! Damn!(Theo) An erudite monk from The Hague Was fearful of catching the plague He tore out his hair Till his scalp was quite bare Since his knowledge of his'try was vague. (Dorothy) There was bald monk from den Haag Who rode into town on a stag His version of reindeer Which I can't quite explain here! Call it a Dutch mental lag! (Theo) (d'oh!...just a little self-depricating Dutch joke...) Deze monnik was niet van ons land Niet Utrecht of Haarlem of Rand Had een windje achtergelaten Kan niet meer met nonnetjes praten Want dat woord een afschuwelijk opstand! (Theo) (niet lekker, hoor!) Some monks near the North Sea did wish To pray, to reflect, say Kaddish Their talents to pool In one sacred school But alas, they could not, they were fish. A monk from the land of the Dutch Of cheese and good beer had too much His odor was smelly And past his big belly His big muddy toes couldn't touch (Theo) She is our Lady Dutrieux She writes limericks for monks just like you With the Dutch magic ‘shroom Her rhymes always bloom For the heart a most spiritual brew (Krista) Een monnik uit oud Amsterdam Zoop zichzelf elke dag lam Liet de hele dag boertjes Zag nonnen als hoertjes Tot God hem het leven ontnam (Manon) There once was monk from Dordrecht Who's day is totally wrecked! She left her phone on the train And it started to rain She feels like a silly reject!! (Theo) There once was monk from Delft His china he carefully shelved So pretty and white The deep blues were just right That he painted all by himself! (Theo) A naturalist monk from the Netherlands Monitored migrations of pelicans He'd survey the shore Of the birds taking score Though sometimes they soiled his vestements (EHTIYOT) In the quaint northern town of Hoorn A monk suddenly suffered great scorn He was blind as a bat And had switched off his hat Now a lace cap his head did adorn. (Dorothy) New Zeeland A chemist monk from New Zeeland Perfected a new form of sealent It prevented beer From losing its cheer And leading folks to disagreement. (MDW) Norway This Norwegian monk loved Peer Gynt Which left a most noble imprint On his desire for plays That were proudly Norway's Which before he'd just given a glint. (Theo) A spiritual monk lived in Oslo On his cell wall, he saw a wood cross glow This must be a sign Unless I drank too much wine?? I ate enough pasta with sauce, though!! (Theo) This friar from cold Barents Sea Was informed of his proud parents' glee They would have a new son Who should be more fun Than a monk, but there's no guarantee. (Theo) There once was a monk from fair Norway Who prided himself on his foreplay He had lots of fun With a hot Swedish nun CAUGHT making love in the Sacristy's doorway! (Theo) North Pole There once was a monk from North Pole. Never scored on golf's bloody ninth hole. He set it on fire. Denied it, the liar! "It was Santa, he's out on parol !" (Manon) Palestine There once was a monk from old Palestine Who was a wonderful pal of mine I prayed on his rugs Gave him many bear hugs And drank from his cup, bowl, and chalice & stein! (Theo) (the wine, the beer...the corruption is all of mine) Paraguay There once was monk from Paraguay Who was sadly losing a hair a day “Lord, it appears that you’ve called For me to go bald Just don’t take my youthful libido away. (Theo) There once was a monk from Manila His favorite ice cream was surely vanilla But when he ate his Balut He was often hard put To swallow a measly scintilla. (Theo) Philippines There once was a monk from old Poland Who loved to read Song of Roland He fought for Charlemagne Killed Saracens in his brain Till the meds slowly cramped his strong bow hand. (Theo) (French lit. will do that to you...!) Poland There once was a bald monk from Krakow A loner whose friend was a black cow But there was just one Good-natured young nun Who'd visit, clean, cook and has know-how. (Theo) (in the more subtle, feminine arts...hee, hee) A food loving monk from Wraclaw Fine stews and soups making pots of But while in the kitchen Subdued his involuntary twitchin By sipping vodka of which he had lots of. (EHTIYOT) A monk from the port of Gdansk Visiting the Mordovian city, Saransk Spoke not one word of Moksha Or understood Erzya But tried German when given the chance. (EHTIYOT) Romania A Romanian monk from Cluj Opted to train for the luge But his tightwadded antics At the winter olympics Made everyone think him a Scrooge. (EHTIYOT) Russia This monk strolled on Nevsky Prospekt He never gained proper respect He drank too much vodka Was exiled to Nakhodka For reading too much Bertold Brecht (Theo) (philistines...master Brecht is a god!) There once was monk from the Caucas Who's behavior was just a bit raucous One day near the Chechen He started a wretchin' After drinks at the Feast of the Baucus (Theo) Saudi Arabia This monk from the house of the Saudi Who was known to be a bit rowdy When he took his fifth wife Thought, "I'll change my life! When I'm not in Bangkok and bawdy!" (Theo) Scotland An Edinburgh monk that knew Darwin Found his theories rather quite jarrin' This evolution Could cause revolution From my flock, this knowledge I'm barrin'. (Theo) A lonely monk up in John o' Groats Stared days by the sea out at the boats northwards to St. Margarets Hope with his dog on a rope he dreamt of damsels in petticoats. (EHTIYOT) There once was a monk from fair Glasgow Whose neon – green robes made his ass glow He put aside some convention And gathered attention The nuns all thought he had brass, though. (Theo) Seychelles There was fine monk from Seychelles Who owned a chain of hotels This sounds obscure He's supposed to be poor Just a myth that his church often sells!! (Theo) South Korea A monk serving the inquisiton Found himself in a tricky position While tormenting a Moor He thought was impure But was saying an act of contrition. (EHTIYOT) Spain A monk from the Gardens Aranjuez Does whatever the superior nun says “Stand on your head! Now take me to bed! I tire of you little fat dunces!” (Theo) There once was a monk from Granada Who fancied a good empanada To his disbelief Spain ran out of beef Now forced to eat cheese enchalada. (Theo) There once was a monk from Seville Who slipped on a lemon peel Unlucky fellow That makes Limoncello On him Monetary’s illegal still. (Theo) To the south of sunny Sevilla A monk made a grave pecadilla Though time for confession He caused this transgression: Drank pitchers of fruitful sangria Singapore A century old monk from Ceylon Shared the reason his life was so long I laugh till I cry But not till I die He said and skipped off with a song. Sudan There once was monk from fair Sweden Whose advice you'd better be heedin' He descends from high kings From the land of Vikings And for life you will often be pleadin'. (Theo) Sweden This monk was a lively young Swede Who survived drinking very strong Meade Sometimes he would try To go raiding while high On his trustworthy strong sober steed. (Theo) This monk comes from hot-blooded Swedes Who needed to spread his good seeds If not for the crop But to lie on the top To produce all the sons that he needs. (Theo) Switzerland There once was monk from olde Berne Where people are usually stern But he liked to party Like Germans, more hearty Decorum was not his concern. (Theo) There once was a monk from Geneva Sang soprano and behaved like a Diva "For it is no crime, That I am so sublime I live life and take intiziativa!" (Theo) There once was monk from cold Switzerland So boring, his nickname was Mr. Bland He started writing his rhymes And had glorious times With Absinthe he became the tounge-twister man (Theo) Tajikistan This monk was curious Tajik Whose prospects seemed just a bit bleak "I feel like a wanna-be From my town Dushanbe It's the action of Moscow I seek!" (Theo) Thailand This monk surfed the beach at Pataya So naughty, he just went astray-a He drank good Thailand rum And started to hum With the boys that do things that way-a (Theo) (naughty, naughty boy!) Free Tibet! A Tibetan monk I respect warned me of my major defect should I waste any more time writing monk-laden rhyme I'll reincarnate as an insect. (EHTIYOT) Turkey There once was a monk from south Turkey Who's ideas were clever and perky To challenge his mind He left behind His hometown and ran off to Berkeley! (Theo) There once was a bald monk from Turkey Who crafted a famous beef-jerkey It is not complicated When you're amalgamated And get all your spices from Durkee (Theo) There was a fine monk from north Turkey Who's faith and vision were murky So he suffered the wrath Of a hot Turkish bath And now is feeling more perky! (Theo) In Konya a monk and a dervish At a restaurant complained of the service The waitress they said Had asked both to bed And made them exceedingly nervous (EHTIYOT) A cynical monk came from Sinop His antics just made your chin drop "Diogenes has no class! I'll kick his ass! Especially when I get ginned-up! (Theo) Ukraine There once was a monk from old Liverpool Who didn't do well in parochial school But he excelled at the footie And became a tough hoodie Busted heads which is not very cool.. (Theo) United kingdom A Manchester monk hated footie The people all mocked, "you're a goodie! You better get real Or lose your next meal We'll throw all your crops in the woodie!" (Theo) A scouse monk up in Merseyside went to Goodison to jeer the home side "I follow only the Reds and will till I'm dead" which proved true as right then he died. (EHTIYOT) There once was a monk from ol' Merseyside Whose cousin Vinnie lived on the Jersey side "YO! How ya doin? What's that your brewin'? Pardon my cough, my plurisee's wide!" (Theo) [oh man...that's a lung disease...that's not nice] Uzbekistan Tashkentdan kelgan monakh Uning boshida qizil qalpakh "Qaerga hayotim o'tdi?" Mendan so'radi Azob bilan butkul hurkak (EHTIYOT) Translation of Uzbek limerick A monk who came from Tashkent With a red kalpakh on his head Where has my life gone?" he asked of me Frightened by his pain and suffering. (EHTIYOT) A monk who claimed to be Uzbek rebelled at the size of his paycheck "I quit" he declared and when nobody cared went back to eating his borek. (EHTIYOT) Venezuela There once was a monk from Caracas A Chavista who played the Maracas For the U.S. election He sang out his selection "I proudly support the Barackas!" (Theo) This monk came from Old Venezuela Had an affair with Sister Consuela She gets all hot-blooded For the monks who are hooded "Iz nice, and so soft...molto bella!" (Theo) Viet Nam A monk from the jungles of 'nam Reanimated live pigs from spam But grew tired of his trade And since then he's made Fresh new blueberries from jam. (EHTIYOT) This monk came from North Viet Nam Marched with Minh, because he gave a damn! “Our Holy Grail Begins on this trail Where someday we should build a tram!” (Theo) |